im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My cat gives me a boner
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
