I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
