What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
