im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
