no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
