I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
