I accidentally had phone sex last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
