It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
