I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
