East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
