My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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