I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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