Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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