Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
