I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
