Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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