I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
