how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
