hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
