He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
