There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
