either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
