i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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