Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
