Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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