I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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