Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
