he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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