.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
