I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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