dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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