farters have to be the big spoon...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
