Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
