Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
