If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
