i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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