Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
