Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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