I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
