All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
