I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
