The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
