how do flat chested girls get laid?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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