I can tuck mytits in my pants
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
