I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
