ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
