I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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