i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
