Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
