Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
