HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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