Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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