I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
