I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
